More Baseball

Baby Steps

 Bit by bit, one step at a time, I'm beginning to move a little forward. Someone once said to me that no one is sure what he or she really wants. I guess somethings should be left open, and let yourself make a decision when the right timing comes- Of course, you will never know whether that timing was actually the "right timing" unless you look back afterward.

I cut my hair short today. Just felt like I needed a change. No deep meaning to that, but when my hair dresser cut about 2.5 inches of my hair and saw my hair scattered on the floor, he referred to my hair as bad omen. It was kind of funny that a third person, who has no idea why I wanted to cut my hair, referred to my hair as a bad omen but it felt good that he got it all taken out from my head. Time to move a bit forward.

Life goes on

I haven't updated this blog for a while, mainly because I had a lot things to deal with and had no motivation to draw or write. I'm still working on that baseball illustration I was asked to do. It had no deadline anyways, so I had been procrastinating this whole time...

To be honest, I hate to be asked to draw. I shouldn't have accepted it from the start. I don't know what it is, but since I left Chicago, I have been kind of neglecting to draw or do any creative work. I feel like I left all my confidence in the states, and all I care about now is to think of how to spend my everyday.

Anyways, I've been thinking about my grandfather lately. We built our house right next to his house when I was 9 or 10 (my age doesn't matter), where there was his parking space. Everyday when I go or come back from school, I entered/exited from our back door, and on the way I would peek in to my grandfather's house to say hi. Every Sunday around noon was when I would stay at his house to have tea together and eat sweets. I usually didn't have much to talk about, but I would usually go cause he had our dog Minnie at his place (We couldn't take care of Minnie because we later moved to America, and we asked to take care of her). His house was the most authentic Japanese house I ever been and it scared me at first but I liked it a lot. Like his old style bathrooms, hall ways, sliding doors, tatami (weaved bamboo floor), and etc.

My grandfather lived there since my father was born and until he passed away 3 years ago. Since then, my uncle's family had been living there, and I had no chance to enter his house anymore cause I wasn't close to my uncle. I felt sad, but it was just natural.

And lately, my uncle has decided to renovate his whole house recently, and had started tearing down. Lately, when I walk pass my grandfather's house everyday,  I can peek through his revealed rooms, though completely broken, and it somehow evokes all my memories with him.

Nothing lasts forever, but memories stay. We make our own photo albums or make movies in ourselves, and keep it in our little small box. And lately, I've been searching for my grandfather's memory whenever I walk pass by. However, like I mentioned in my title, life goes on.

Mom

One breakfast, she just put tomatoes and strawberries in the same bowl.
 
I like the way you think, mom. Yes, they are red, so you thought you can put them together- but what you really wanted to do was to make me eat something in the morning, didn't you? So I guess you just put what was left over in the fridge.

I have all these interesting memories with you.
Remember one time you threw me like Jackey Chen when I was 10 when I neglected to give my takoyaki when your friend visited, cause that was the first takoyaki I bought with my allowance? And remember one time I put my face close to yours when you were sleeping and you shoved me like a man because you were surprised that I was there?

You never praised me when you brought me up, but I remember the two times you hugged me ever since I left my cradle. One time was when I got a reward for not being late or missing any class in junior high school and high school. And the other time was when I came back for one winter break in college, and on the day I was going back to Chicago. I was surprised, but embarrassed at the same time cause I wasn't used to that.

Honestly, I don't think I want to be like you when I become a mother someday because I really wanted more hugs and wanted to get praised more like other kids, but maybe you knew that I shouldn't be brought that way. If you weren't here, I wouldn't be here either, and I know you care about me a lot because you tried to make me eat those red tomatoes and red strawberries for breakfast so I don't starve.

Almost Sunday. Happy mother's day.

I was asked to draw an illustration for a poster for this kid's baseball team that my co-worker's daughter is in. This is far from completion, but it's kind of fun. I guess kids don't play outside as much as they used to, and they're looking for more kids to join their team. Playing sports is not just learning how to play, but I think it's more like getting used to team works, and that's why I wanted to make it look more fun.

Anyways, April is trying to pass by really quickly. Cherry blossom season ended like a zip, and summer is sneaking behind us. I wish summer would knock on my door to ask for permission if he may enter or not. I will probably neglect first, but if he brings beer with him, I guess I can allow him in. I sound like an alcoholic, but all I'm looking forward to summer is beer, and the fact that I won't be able to use AC because of the current situation, I wish summer will be easy on us this year. Be nice summer.

My everyday

I don't want to lose anything I have right now.
We all cling on and adapt to what we call our norm or what we define happiness.

It is sad that we realize through tragedy how our everyday life is so fragile, you don't have the option or control over to maintain it sometimes.

That's why,  I appreciate my everyday, to be my everyday, and will continue to be my everyday.

Draw

Ranunculus

After two days of snow/ rain in Tokyo, today was a bright and sunny day.

We decided to take a walk around the neighborhood and found this flower at a flower shop. Took this back home, but i realized this flower has the most confusing name of all times. Should I make a nick name, or make up a family name cause it's easier to call? Hm, I wonder