Past scribbles

Old scribbles from my old note book.

I don't really like to use the word "I'm OK" cause it's like telling everyone I'm not actually OK, but I'm slowly trying to move forward.

I ran 11km today. I can be proud of myself, right? I know myself very well, but I am not a marathon person, I'm more like a basket ball person cause I hate the feeling of getting tired gradually. I just want to be like, BAM I'M SO EXHAUSTED... take a rest... let's try that one moret time, and get tired again. Basically I have no patience to just move forward to reach the goal. I somehow have to stop at one point and defend myself or just do nothing, and suddenly if I feel the urge to move forward I run as fast as I can even if I can't find the right goal, just keep moving.

I talked to my friend in Senegal today. She said when people ask you how you're doing, there's one word to explain when there's nothing going on, they say "It's peaceful". Beautiful. Love it.

Sometimes when things happen so quickly, you try not to digest what has happened, and try to move on like you pretend nothing has happened.

Same thing, if you know when something happens that you know will happen, you try to close your eyes, and pretend it didn't happen... but you also pretend that you're ok, and try your best to move on.

My dog, Minnie, died last Tuesday. I knew it was coming, and I was right beside her when she went to heaven.

Everytime, I wake up and go downstairs, I used to check if she ate breakfast.
When I come back home, I used to wait for her to welcome me.
I used to listen to her moving in midnight, and woke up for her to pat her on the head that everything is ok.

Everything seemed like my everyday life, but when she's gone I miss her and all these small things I used to do.

As for now, I'd like to pretend that I'm ok.

I will be ok.